A Ride not Worth Taking - The Ghost Rider (2007)

There are some movies in your life that you will always enjoy watching, no matter the circumstances. The Ghost Rider is not one of them. Its writer and director Mark Steven Johnson brought the Ghost to life on screen, after the Marvel comics of the same name, but it was a terrible idea. Not only is it harmful for the public, but for its actors too, and basically any living particle which happens to be in its contact.

It is the story of the famous stunt motorcycle rider Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage), who is haunted by his past. When he was a teenager, Blaze made a pact with the Devil (Peter Fonda) to save his sick father (Peter Brett Cullen), and since that day Blaze's soul is not free. Fifteen years later, in our present time, he starts changing into a blazing skeleton working for the dark forces at night-time: he becomes the Ghost Rider. But when his beloved Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is threatened, he decides to use his powers to counterattack his master.

The movie will thus take you on a painful journey through a tacky action movie with a few added westerns' features. The whole is set in a root beer-smelling middle America, on a background of heavy metal music at some points in accordance with the overall cheap level of the movie. When you hear the bad ready-made dialogues, your ears will bleed. When you watch the poor performance of the set of actors and the bad directing of it all, you will wish you were blind. And at the end of the movie, you'll wish you had made a pact with the Devil, as Hell must feel like Heaven compared to the agony of watching this film.

Though I admit I enjoyed most of the Marvel stories, I cannot stand for this unsound film adaptation. One of the causes might well be the director of the film, Mark Steven Johnson, since he had already made Daredevil in 2003, starring Ben Affleck – and already this one film was bad, with similarly cheesy dialogues that could have been written by a 10-year-old boy.

There was a time when Nicolas Cage had proven himself to be a good actor, potentially – like in movies such as Lord of War, for instance. But no one will argue that with The Ghost Rider he has sold his soul to the demoniac Hollywood big shot industry, regardless of the film's lack of potential. Here Cage is just as good as an eggplant: he does not inspire any fear, any awe, any true sympathy, or any laughs even when he tries to... Because when he does try to be original, he hams it up for the public which makes it even worse. The most excruciating scene of all must be the one where he is in front of his mirror, checking on his appearance after his big transformation of the previous night, and he makes all kinds of oh-so-useless faces which I am afraid were intended to be funny.

But, brace yourselves, because the fun does not stop there! A word on the neglected special effects in the film must be said. For starters, the first and biggest transformation of Blaze into the Ghost Rider misses a step at the end, giving us little transition between the human face and the skull, which is disappointing. What's more the final skull of the Ghost Rider is lifeless, as if out of a Playstation 1 MediEvil game – and the funny thing is that it can whistle to call his motorbike even though it doesn't have any lips: how good is that?

A part from that, Peter Fonda in his Devil's role (Mephistopheles in the film) is absolutely unimaginative; and actually he looks more like something out of Dallas than out of Hell. I had enjoyed Lucifer's unusual character much more, brilliantly played by Peter Stormare, in the excellent Constantine. The actress of the film, Eva Mendes, has a flat supporting role too, as the long-lost love of Blaze. The only thing to say in this respect is that the B-love story between the two is without flavor and feels like déjà-vu. In the end, the least disappointing of the actors might well be Wes Bentley, playing the Devil's son (Blackheart in the film). His performance is globally not that bad, and he really manages to own his character. Of course, compared to the others, he comes acrosse as quite a relief.

I have to admit that the presence of Sam Elliott in this western/action movie is a nice little nod to the shoot-em-ups in which he used to play. One particularly bad line nevertheless struck me at the opening of the movie. In the introduction Elliott stands in for the voice-over relating the myth of the Ghost Rider; and at the end of his speech, he says: “The thing about legends is... sometimes... they're true.” Owwww... is this for real? Who came up with that?
And need I mention the beautiful value-loaded speech by Cage a little before the payoff, where he dares say things like “He may have my soul, he doesn't have my spirit”? The movie is indeed full of predictable lines, which will give you the impression that your nephew could have done the same, if not better.

All in all, I would not be surprised if The Ghost Rider was on its way to winning a Razzie Award. If you are still curious of this baffling adventure, at least wait for the DVD or a TV broadcast... I'm giving you a piece of friendly advice here: save yourselves the ride.